the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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