babies were throwing up all over the place
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
