you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
