It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
