we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
