all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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