It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
