in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
