Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
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I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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