So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
