last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize