Are we in a gay sports bar?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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