I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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