my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
