so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
