Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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