Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
