I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
