I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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