yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
