i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
