By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
