I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
