Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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