I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
