Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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