my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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