You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
