As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
