Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
