Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
