I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
