her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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