I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
