I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm too high and old for this...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
