i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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