I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
