We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
