So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
