His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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