Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
