I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
