My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
