My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
