when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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