Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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