So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i would punch a child for taco bell
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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