I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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