he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
