I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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