Banned from zoo.
Again?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
