Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.

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(913): View more from Kansas

just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.

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(513): View more from Ohio

So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I need to stop waking up with no pants on.

(1-504): View more from Louisiana

what happened this time

(504): View more from Louisiana

I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!

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