Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
