i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dicks are not precious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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