Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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