He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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