The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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