Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i think im in europe. pls send help
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