Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
