i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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