i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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