Where did you get a picture of my penis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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