you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
