I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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