No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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