1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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