i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
