if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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