I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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